i'm going on a fucking walk

everyday-younglife:
shout out to the patient I called to remind to pick up their medication, whose voicemail message was “HEWWO? HEWWO?? WHO IS THIS??? WEAVE A MESSAGE” that rang out throughout the whole pharmacy, killing me instantly
the one time I’m like “this is the one time I dreamed blog” and it isn’t

(via fukjobs)

officialunitedstates:

i-am-katfight:
officialunitedstates:
can anyone please send me a good chunk of their personal net worth so I can pay my property tax and mortgage bill? https://www.patreon.com/officialunitedstates
if I get enough to pay my pay these off I will livestream me setting a hornets nest on fire with a small handheld lighter
The tiers here are hilarious and I can’t decide which one to join but “Nothing” is my fave so far
i highly recommend the nothing tier

Did you know that beetle wings used to be sewn onto dresses? Like, hundreds of them on each dress? It's equally creepy and beautiful.

averagenerdyfangirl

foreverafaller:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:
foreverafaller:
biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:
oh my stars, anyone have pictures?
Something like this I believe!
that’s one of the famous ones, a Lady Macbeth stage costume from 1888. apparently it wasn’t uncommon in victorian fashion:
we should bring embroidery like this back (but w/ imitation wings). we should all be walking around with beads & wings, clanging
Bring this back in 2019

zootycoon:

(via teenagerposts)

johnolivejar:

Andy Samberg Shares His Rejected Golden Globes Jokes

(via aigonplei-isnotover)

(Source: mysharona1987, via joshpeck)

undercitytwerkteam:

things that are good, in no particular order:
animals with markings that look like eyebrows
animals with markings that look like socks

(via joshpeck)

africanaquarian:

africanaquarian:
apparently food inspections stopped bc of the shutdown so things bout to be real fucked up for some of us
“The Food and Drug Administration has stopped routine food safety inspections of seafood, fruits, vegetables and many other foods at high risk of contamination because of the federal government’s shutdown…”

(via officialgoogle)

the-eleventh-lady:

post–grad:
post–grad:
i am absolutely dragging myself through grading my last 6 papers, it is 9:30pm, and one of my favorite students has just used the phrase “Satan and his Gucci gang” in his milton essay
Give Hector an A